THE POLITICAL OSCARS

[loud enthusiastic applause from audience]
Host : Good evening. Good evening...[pause] Shush! [laughter from audience]. Thankyou. Welcome to this biennial Political Oscars. We have seen some tremendous performances in the last twenty four months since we last met. And I think you'll agree that we here at the Academy of Political Performance have had a very difficult job in deciding who is this years Political Performer of the Year. The quality of bullshit and lies has been extraordinary, reaching heights not seen since 2003 when we had to judge those performances in the immediate run up to and during the invasion of Iraq in 2003. So let us linger no longer on this introduction and introduce this years nominees, who are

George Osborne, for "We're all in this together" [applause]
Barak Obama, for "We will change Wall Street" [applause]
Barak Obama, for "We will not kill old or sick people" [applause]
Barak Obama, for "Oi! Arab dictators! Stop killing people! And leave the internet alone!" [applause]
David Cameron, for "We will bash the banks" [applause]
David Cameron, for "We will have a referendum on Europe" [applause]

Thankyou once again, ladies and Gentlemen. You will agree that we have trained them well [appreciative laughter from audience]


And the winner is..............[drum roll]



George Osborne!![wild applause]


Host : Well done, George! A classic political performance, supported by some great bullshit in taxing and bashing the banks, which of course he has not done but has passed the burden of paying for your bailouts [wild laughter from audience, consisting of bankers, top brass military personnel and royalty] onto the ordinary muggins taxpayer in the street!
[the audience erupts into uncontrollable laughter, with some falling onto the floor with such pain from laughing so hard]