THE ONLY WAY IS THE TRUTH SERUM

So, a new puke-provoking series of The Only Way Is Essex started last night. I didn't watch it. But here is The Daily Mirror, allegedly the people's paper, on TOWIE:

After the dramatics in Ibiza the TOWIE gang come together this week for a party thrown by Bobby.

He's hosting a gay night in Soho with his boyfriend Vas, and are referring to themselves as the new Kimye - has Essex found its new King and King?

Ferne helps Charlie prep for their gay night to help boost his confidence by giving him a spray tan but overdoes it.

Jess and Chloe have an awkward encounter after their public twitter spat but can’t seem to come to an agreement.

James and Danielle follow through with their relationship counselling which brings out a whole new confidence in James.

Jasmin is the centre at a new host of rumours with Tommy and Georgia. Who is telling the truth?

IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT

Great?

Really?

One hundred years ago the British Monarchy engineered World War One. After over four years of slaughter in the trenches, and drownings in the oceans, the first attempt at world government was made in the form of The League of Nations. But that failed because the USA voted to stay out of it. So the British Monarchy engineered World War Two via Anglophile Wall Street creating both Soviet Russia and Nazi Germany. And after nearly six years of war, much bloodier and more destructive than the first world war, involving more slaughter in the trenches, more drownings in the oceans and this time with deaths in the skies and atomic weapons killing hundreds of thousands in an instant, an initially sceptical USA agreed to a world government: the USA now hosts The United Nations in New York. Since then the UN, and a host of other world government institutions, have been usurping the powers of national sovereignty. For example, the EU now makes most of the laws in the UK.

Would our fathers, grandfathers and great grandfathers, who fought and possibly died in both world wars, be proud of us if we followed the advice of The Daily Mirror:

So get yourself a brew, a biscuit and a pair of cosy socks and snuggle up on the sofa as we bring you all the latest goss as the show airs.

I seriously doubt it.

My advice is:

The Only Way Is The Truth Serum.