THE REAL TEXT OF NUTTER NETANYAHU'S SPEECH

America. Go to war for me.

I have to look tough to the Israeli people for them to re-elect me.

So I stand before you today to nakedly without shame beg for your help in my re-election.

I killed over 500 Palestinian children last year. I don't regret it. They deserved it. They threatened Israelis with their cute cooing. It's their fault.

But a growing number of Israelis are beginning to question my callous warmongering and that of the Jewish State of Israel in general.

This must stop.

Israel needs terror and war for its survival.

So I am now hyping the perceived threat to Israel from Iran.

Israelis need to think that Iran is dangerous and wants to wipe Israel off the map. Ignore the fact that it is actually Israel trying to wipe Gaza off the map. And ignore that we ran 9/11 against you and have benefitted from the wars since through the destruction of Iraq and Syria and Libya as threats.

Iran is our enemy...and so it must be yours too.

That is why our agents named Iran as the biggest threat to your national security in Rebuilding America's Defenses.

You, America, keep us going. You give us billions in aid every year. You give us weapons to protect ourselves.

You, America, love us.

You, America, love going to war for us: against Iraq; against Libya; against Syria.

But even though we wrote in A Clean Break in 1996 that we must have war in Iraq, Iran, Syria and Lebanon, it is Iran who is doing all the warmongering, with their peaceful civil nuclear power program.

Yes, we have nuclear, chemical and biological weapons, and would use them.

But you, America, have a much bigger arsenal and military than we have. You can afford to use it against our enemies. That's why we did 9/11.

But we need you, America.

Now more than ever.

I need you.

Please rescue me. Everybody hates me and I don't know why. Those 500 plus Palestinian children I killed last year deserved it. Can't you see it?

And I still don't understand why you won't bomb Syria, or Lebanon for us.

But I'll forgive you for that if you bomb Iran for Israel.

For me.

Because you love me.

Thankyou.